


Overboard: A Texting Drama

by AlwaysLera



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Friendship, International Talk Like A Pirate Day, Texting, no regrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-19
Updated: 2017-09-19
Packaged: 2018-12-31 15:40:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12135639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlwaysLera/pseuds/AlwaysLera
Summary: Ron changes Hermione's phone to pirate speak for Talk like a Pirate Day. No magic can change it back. Hilarity ensues.





	Overboard: A Texting Drama

**Hermione:** Ronald Weasley! What did ye do? Aarrr! I just texted me dear ol' mum, bless her black soul ARRRGG MORNING MATEY when I tried t' say G O O D M O R N I N G   ****  
**Ron:**  Bahahahahaha  
**Hermione:** I'm going t' throw ye overboard  
**Ron:** :D :D :D   
**Hermione:** WHAT CHARM BE THIS?

 

 **Ron:** Oh my god, I can't breathe, I'm laughing so hard. I changed a setting on Hermione's phone so it converts everything she types into Pirate Speak  
**Harry:** You're dead, mate. You're just a walking dead man. (Take a screenshot. I want to see.)  
**Ron:** [Photo Downloading]  
**Harry:** She's going to kill you. It won't even be a pleasant death like arsenic. It's going to be slow and painful.

 

 **Harry:** Your brother is a dolt and I love him.  
**Ginny:** Tell me something I don't know. What happened?  
**Harry:** He changed Hermione's phone to Pirate speak and she's furious  
**Ginny:** That's not funny! What if her parents need to call her?  
**Harry:** It's kind of funny. Admit it, Gin, you're laughing  
**Harry:** It's funny!  
**Harry:** Ginny?

 

 **Ginny:** Are you okay?  
**Hermione:** I'M GOING T' THROW RON OVERBOARD  
**Ginny:** I support this plan. Add my husband to the list.

 

 

 **Ron:** HERO OF THE BATTLE OF HOGWARTS DIES AFTER WIFE THROWS HIM OVERBOARD is a great headline  
**Harry:** Errr, I'm the hero of the Battle of Hogwarts.   
**Ron:** You're wrong, but that's for another time. Harry.  
**Harry:** What  
**Ron:** She just Apparated here.  
**Harry:** AHAHAHAHAHA YOU'RE SO DEAD.  
**Ron:** Please come to my office. There's a problem.  
**Harry:** I'm in Albania. I'm working. Wait, wasn't Hermione in France?  
**Ron:** Yes. There's a problem. I can't figure out where that setting is anymore because the entire phone is in Pirate.  
**Harry:** hahahahahahaha  
**Ron:** This isn't funny. You know how these things work better than me. Get over here.  
**Harry:** I really can't leave. Call Ginny. She's home, I think. She stopped answering my texts.

 

 **Ron:** Ginny, I need your help.  
**Ginny:** You got yourself into this mess, you can get yourself out of it?  
**Ron:** Harry told you? Then you'll understand that my marriage is on the line and I need you to come over and fix this.  
**Ginny:** No, own your mistakes, Ronald Weasley. I'm at Mum's and she wants you to know that phones are ridiculous, none of us should own them, and you made a mistake. She said, and I quote, "Poor Hermione. That poor dear."  
**Ron:** I DIDN'T KNOW I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO CHANGE IT BACK.

 

 **Ginny:** How's Albania?  
**Harry:** ARRRRR MATEY. I GOOGLED AND IT'S TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY  
**Ginny:** Never mind  
**Harry:** Why couldn't the pirate play cards?  
**Harry:** Guess  
**Harry:** Ginny, guess  
  
**Ron:** I'm on the phone with tech support and they're asking me for my postal code  
**Harry:** I don't know your postal code.  
**Ron:** What's the billing postal code? What's my PIN? You set this up, don't you have this?  
**Harry:** it's in that email I sent to Hermione  
**Ron:** we can't read it because it's in pirate speak  
**Harry:** I just forwarded to you  
**Ron:** thanks. the look she's giving me. it's murder. I'm going to die. lived through a war and this is how I die. A practical joke.  
**Harry:** George will be proud.  
**Ron:** Hahaha, yeah, maybe he can make something for the shop like this but for Howlers!  
  


**Ron:** Do you think that George could make a Pirate Speak charm for Howlers?  
**Ginny:** Focus, Ron.

 **Ron:** Long story, but I'm on hold with a Muggle mobile phone company. Listen, do you think you could make a charm for Howlers that turns the text into Pirate Speak?  
**George:** Brilliant! I'm writing that idea down!

 **Ron:** He's going to do it!  
**Harry:** Is Hermione's phone fixed yet?  
**Ron:** Still on hold  
**Ron:** How's Albania?  
**Harry:** Beautiful. You should come down here sometime.   
**Ron:** Once the kiddo is off to Hogwarts, I can take traveling jobs again. But right now, Hermione's schedule is all out of sorts and unpredictable. I have to be home when the muggle bus drops off Hugo. Next year!

 **Harry:** Okay, fine I'm telling you the punchline  
**Harry:** Why couldn't the pirate play cards?  
**Harry:** Because he was sitting on the deck!  
**Harry:** Admit it, Ginny. That was funny.

 

 **Ginny:** Is your phone fixed yet?   
**Hermione:** No  
**Ginny:** Ugh. Is Ron trying?  
**Hermione:** Aye  
**Ginny:** lol  
  


**Ginny:** Okay, the phone thing is a little funny  
**Harry:** Right???  
**Ginny:** Hermione's trying to only answer yes/no but it keeps making Yes "aye"  
**Harry:** I can't imagine Ron's panic.

 **Ron:** Okay. We had to restore it back to the box settings  
**Harry:** Factory settings  
**Ron:** Right. So she's lost all the pictures of the kids she sends to her parents and all of her contacts. But it uses regular British English now.  
**Harry:** Crisis averted!  
**Ron:** Huzzah!

 **Ginny:** If you do that to my phone...  
**Harry:** Trust me, I will not do that to your phone. Just imagine if the Boy Who Lived became the Boy Who Joked and Died  
**Ginny:** I like that you fear me more than Voldemort.  
**Harry:** Like 100x more.  
**Ginny:** Perfect.

 **Ron:** SHE JUST SENT ME A HOWLER  
**Harry:** She's been stewing about that for five hours now, hasn't she? She's been working on that all day  
**Ron:** It was all about how if I couldn't use muggle technology the way we intended it, to circumvent Wizarding Powers in case of another rise of a Dark Wizard who might seek to censor us, that she'd take away the phone. I'm ninety percent sure she used this exact same speech to Rose when Rose went over her data limit.  
**Harry:** Yeah, I remember you being a bit of a prat in Second Year.  
**Ron:** I'm going to ask George if he's finished that Pirate Speak charm for howlers yet.  
**Harry:** Ron. Ron, no.   
**Ron:** I'll save it for next year's Talk like a Pirate Day.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> While some of the pirate speak I made up, I used http://funtranslations.com/pirate for some of the other pirate speak. I hope you enjoyed


End file.
